lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
