Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
