I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
