This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
even my farts smell like vagina
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
