i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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