I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
