he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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