suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
