tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
