Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
