Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
