omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
