Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
