Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
