I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize