The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
