You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
