She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My feet surprised me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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