in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
