i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
