Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
