Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
