i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
