Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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