If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
