Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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