if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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