at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
