Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm going to jail i love you
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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