The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize