I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
