oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
