we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize