you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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