it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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