so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
