I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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