remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
soo... how was my night?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize