if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
