If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you're hired as official boob wrangler
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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