That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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