Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
