Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize