Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can't turn off my feet"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
