I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
