Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
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i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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