I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am naked and annoyed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
