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from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
