He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
