I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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