My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
