Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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