Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
