As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
