I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
