Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
