dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
