Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
