he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
