Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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