mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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