OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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