Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
